When It All Shakes Out (You Exist)

When it all shakes out, beloved, you will know
what is true and what was only pretense,

And it will hurt, 
because there are things you wanted to be true
that will never be true,

and things you needed to be false,
that were never false,

and things in the middle that you will discover
were only creations of an imagination
pregnant with hope and expectation.

When you realize,
you will not at first believe.

You will insist that the reality you've created 
to explain your own understanding 
of your current situation

is actually the real reality, the most real one,
but you'll be wrong.

And when you realize you are wrong, beloved,
you will hurt like the moon coming too close to the earth,
bending the bands of gravity 

until the pressure reaches threshold, 
and then you will break

and the moon will fling back into orbit,
and you'll be left with the emptiness 
that the pressure had filled,

you'll be left moonless, as well,
and all will seem bereft.

Then, you will accept, beloved.

And when you accept,
you will learn to mourn.

Let me tell you what I know.

You are mourning what never was,
a thing that didn't exist.

But you also are mourning what was, 
because you mourn yourself, 
and you existed.

You existed.

You existed 
and your love existed, 
and your experience existed,
and your pain existed,
and your pain exists still.

Your healing exists as well, beloved;
a whole life waiting to be lived 

Here where Reality dwells,
Here where Love reaches,
Here where Life lives -

Here where you exist still.


October 19,2018