When it all shakes out, beloved, you will know what is true and what was only pretense, And it will hurt, because there are things you wanted to be true that will never be true, and things you needed to be false, that were never false, and things in the middle that you will discover […]
A Breakdown
“Thou makest darkness, and it is night: wherein all the beasts of the forest do creep forth.” A breakdown was like being bound, blindfolded, and pummeled, then dropped in the middle of a thick, dark wood. I was completely beaten, covered in bruises and still vomiting up bile and blood when the blindfold was ripped […]
I Have A Voice
I wrote following post in October. It seems like it was the key that fit the hole, turned the lock, and opened the door to my breakdown. The words poured out of me in strength: then fear rushed in to the vacancy the words left behind. I can remember every day from the day the […]
Grace Applied (More Thoughts on Boundaries): Real Life is Now
(post #5) see list of all posts here I’m combing through my draft folder tonight, and am surprised to find this post from two years ago that is in keeping with the theme already swimming in my mind: boundaries, perimeters. Here you go: It is a rainy 2 o’clock appointment, when the counselor and I crash against the concept […]
Boundaries in Parenting: Sacred Smallness, Real Life Is Now.
(post #3) see list of all posts here When our first son was about 18 months old, freshly weaned and newly a big brother, he started testing his autonomy. As a highly verbal child, he’d been counting to 10 and saying ABCs since his first birthday, adding simple sums such as “ one bus and […]
What is it you want? Don’t take the easy way out.
“Don’t focus on your fear of burnout; remember to stay open and receptive so that you are filled up with love and energy from God, and from that you can pour out onto everyone around you. Don’t withhold. If you feel yourself drying up, it is because you aren’t connecting with God as your Source as well […]
Bind This Parent’s Heart
Put On 80 lbs of strawberries and a sister who makes me get things done. “Tomorrow’s the day,” Heather said in a message. “It will be over 100 degrees all weekend and the last of the berries will be gone. Be ready by 8:30. We’ll pick tomorrow and jam on Thursday.” For as long as […]
What Possible Good Could Ever Come From This Thing In My Life?
There was this moment in which all my fears twisted into something tighter and heavier than I could hold. David and I had just collapsed into bed after an exhausting night of packing, and our conversation tipped into all of the Unknowns. Less than two weeks away from filling our moving truck, we were about to make the scariest change […]
Ashes, Ashes, Body and Blood
The ashes in my mouth taste like talc and powder. I swallow, move the tongue, wipe between teeth. It’s always like this, always a material experience that solidifies the visceral into something I understand. It’s candles to facilitate prayer, it’s arms raised to worship, it’s dancing on a cliff’s ledge to break before the Spirit. It’s […]
Leukemia: In His Hands (part 1)
On January 12 my Mama was diagnosed with an advanced form of leukemia. The prognosis was blunt and harsh; the doctor laid it out and left the room. Entering a state of shock, my mom turned to my dad and to her sister and said, “I feel like this is a dream.” We sat by our phones […]
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