In the beginning of my breakdown, I didn’t have capacity for very much input, so my normal stays of writing and reading were set aside. The words I could receive came from people close to me in real time. However, three artist voices broke through the darkness of severe anxiety and depression, bringing peace instead […]
When It All Shakes Out (You Exist)
When it all shakes out, beloved, you will know what is true and what was only pretense, And it will hurt, because there are things you wanted to be true that will never be true, and things you needed to be false, that were never false, and things in the middle that you will discover […]
A Breakdown
“Thou makest darkness, and it is night: wherein all the beasts of the forest do creep forth.” A breakdown was like being bound, blindfolded, and pummeled, then dropped in the middle of a thick, dark wood. I was completely beaten, covered in bruises and still vomiting up bile and blood when the blindfold was ripped […]
I Have A Voice
I wrote following post in October. It seems like it was the key that fit the hole, turned the lock, and opened the door to my breakdown. The words poured out of me in strength: then fear rushed in to the vacancy the words left behind. I can remember every day from the day the […]
Depression
And so the winter passes. We took a sharp turn into spring this week, with the snow and frost giving way to sunny mid-70 days. Donning a tank top, I worked away at the last of the blueberry bushes, and my sun-kissed skin kept me warm all night long. It was a long, dark winter. […]
Maybe The Answer You’re Praying For Is Already Here.
Sometimes we wait impatiently on God when he is patiently waiting on us, waiting for us to recognize what he’s already given as part of the answer. What little pot of oil have you neglected to notice? What little shred of possibility have you chosen to ignore? What little patch of time have you disparaged? […]
Seeing Through a Glass Darkly
I’m sitting with my fingers posed above keys, my eyes locked on the cotton flying about the street just outside the window. Bits of fluff, dodging cars and leaping through branches, and then, before my eyes, a girl. The tips of her hair are white. The white bleeds upward into purple. The purple becomes white […]
Happy Valentine’s Day/Transplant Day
Today is Transplant Day for my family. It’s been a long, hard-fought year for my mom, and it feels surreal to finally be at this place, receiving this gift, stepping into the great unknown. The following is a post I wrote last night for my mom’s Facebook prayer group, and I wanted to copy it here […]
Jesus is working; We can rest
But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.” I take a lot of comfort in this verse this morning. There are impossible situations at every turn, messy relationships, messy health, messy politics, messy everything. My heart and mind wake up feeling messy with other people’s strife. My email is messy […]
All My Desire Is Before Thee
O LORD, rebuke me not in Your wrath, And chasten me not in Your burning anger. For Your arrows have sunk deep into me, And Your hand has pressed down on me. There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation; There is no health in my bones because of my sin. For […]
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