In the beginning of my breakdown, I didn’t have capacity for very much input, so my normal stays of writing and reading were set aside. The words I could receive came from people close to me in real time. However, three artist voices broke through the darkness of severe anxiety and depression, bringing peace instead […]
When It All Shakes Out (You Exist)
When it all shakes out, beloved, you will know what is true and what was only pretense, And it will hurt, because there are things you wanted to be true that will never be true, and things you needed to be false, that were never false, and things in the middle that you will discover […]
A Breakdown
“Thou makest darkness, and it is night: wherein all the beasts of the forest do creep forth.” A breakdown was like being bound, blindfolded, and pummeled, then dropped in the middle of a thick, dark wood. I was completely beaten, covered in bruises and still vomiting up bile and blood when the blindfold was ripped […]
I Have A Voice
I wrote following post in October. It seems like it was the key that fit the hole, turned the lock, and opened the door to my breakdown. The words poured out of me in strength: then fear rushed in to the vacancy the words left behind. I can remember every day from the day the […]
Depression
And so the winter passes. We took a sharp turn into spring this week, with the snow and frost giving way to sunny mid-70 days. Donning a tank top, I worked away at the last of the blueberry bushes, and my sun-kissed skin kept me warm all night long. It was a long, dark winter. […]
Love Is A Respecter of Persons: Spiritual Boundaries, part 3
(post #13 for the Write 31 Day Challenge) see all posts here Two mornings ago, on the last morning of our retreat, my sister and mama and I were watching the waves. “The ocean waves always make me think of Jesus’ unrelenting love for us,” my mom said. “No matter what, his love just keeps coming, pursuing us, […]
Spiritual Boundaries, Part 2: Real Life is Now
(post #12) writing for a month within the sacred smallness of this very real life: see all posts here Note: this is the second part to a short series-within-a-series on spiritual boundaries. Read introductory story here. I love my charismatic upbringing. The confidence afforded me in my relationship with Christ, the foundational assurance that I am loved, and wanted, and […]
Ashes, Ashes, Body and Blood
The ashes in my mouth taste like talc and powder. I swallow, move the tongue, wipe between teeth. It’s always like this, always a material experience that solidifies the visceral into something I understand. It’s candles to facilitate prayer, it’s arms raised to worship, it’s dancing on a cliff’s ledge to break before the Spirit. It’s […]
You Are Not Alone (survivor songs #34 – final post!)
And we’re done. The inadequacy I felt as I faced the task of writing this series has been – well, not replaced exactly, but joined by a sense of tear-springing surprise. “Who am I?” was the question hanging over my heart as I first put my fingers to the keys. What grief have I known that could qualify me […]
Mourn With Those Who Mourn (survivor songs #33)
Mourn With Those Who Mourn by Ramone Romero “Remember those who are imprisoned, as if you are imprisoned with them. Call those to mind who are afflicted, as if you are the people who wear their bodies.“ Hebrews 13:3 Harmony asked me to share five paintings for this series Survivor Songs, the theme of which has […]
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