Relevant Magazine has published and excellent interview with Boz Tchividjian, the founder and executive director of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) titled “How Should Christians Respond To Abuse Situations Like The Duggars’?” Please read it.
GRACE is a non-profit ministry/organization which works to educate churches on Godly and appropriate responses to abuse situations within their own congregations, and within the culture at large. In between keeping six kids alive and doing laundry, I fantasize about working with GRACE full-time.
Boz Tchividjian is a former assistant state attorney, who served as chief prosecutor in the Sexual Crimes Division of the State of Florida, and who now teaches law at Liberty University.
Again, here is a link to the interview: How Should Christians Respond To Abuse Situations Like The Duggars’?
And, some excerpts:
Reporting it to the authorities will also show that child who is perpetrating the abuse the seriousness and gravity of their behavior, which is really critical. It probably provides the best opportunity for that young perpetrator to get substanative help. There are some studies today that show that of all categories of sex offenders, the category of sex offender that has the greatest likelihood of receiving treatment that actually works are the younger juvenile offenders.
Number two, parents have to make the victim the priority. That means that those parents have to separate that victim from the perpetrating child, which means the perpetrating sibling is the one that leaves the home, not the victim. That will show to the victim that Mom and Dad are taking this very seriously and that Mom and Dad believe them and are supportive of them.
I think especially as Christian parents, we’re called to love and serve the most vulnerable among us, and one of our children who has been sexually victimized is the most vulnerable one in the household, and we need to take immediate steps to care for that child. (read more)
I’ve encountered those victims 10, 15, 20 years later. And it’s a tragedy, because they don’t want anything to do with Jesus. And I understand it. Because the very ones who professed and represented Jesus turned their backs on them to care for and spend all of their time and resources on the very ones that eviscerated their lives through abuse.
So my prayer in the work we’re doing is trying to understand what is the Gospel-centered response this. (read more)
It’s not a simple topic, and I think a lot of people want to just simplify it, especially when we’re talking about abuse within the home. It’s not that simple. The simple aspect of this is—and I think this is really important for the Christian community to understand—that the sexual abuse of a child is a crime, regardless of where it happens and who perpetrates it. It’s never a mistake. It’s never sort of “a thing teenagers do.” It’s a crime.
I think one of the best demonstrations of grace a parent can give to a perpetrating child is to report that child to the authorities, because that’s when the child is going to get help. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but I think it’s the best demonstration of grace. (read more)
I’ve been tremendously encouraged by the response both privately and publicly to my previous post Sexual Abuse Is A Crime (why the Josh Duggar story needs to matter to Christians). However, a number of people have said the post raised more questions for them than answers. I totally get that. The subject raises a lot of questions for me! I hope to explore some of the questions in writing later this week, but for today, I think this interview by Relevent is an excellent starting place. Thank you so much for reading and being willing to explore these uncomfortable themes.
Do you have questions you want to air out and have discussed? Let me know in the comments.
I love that you spoke of Boz. I have read a lot about his work, perhaps that is because I am in Florida. Boz touches a place that is near to Austin, my husband’s heart, and that is bringing social justice and awareness of these prevalent topics into the church. Too long has the church “forgiven” sins behind closed doors, then asking hurting people to “cheer up” in order to “save face.” If the church is not a place of honesty and safety, then where is? It is no wonder so many people are pushing God out of their lives. If 1/4 of people living in the U.S. have experienced sexual abuse first hand, and the church does nothing, what hope is left? We are a current generation full of “accepting people where they are.” We hold arms wide open to the homosexual, the transgender, and even the transracial … but we don’t know what to do when someone is abused. This is wrong, and this acceptance and love and restoration should come from within the church.
I am going to push back a little against the idea that we are a generation full of accepting people where they are–do you mean Christianity, or do you mean American culture at large? I think some of the examples you gave are still quite stigmatized in the church. 🙂 That said, I think what you are getting at is the idea that we don’t know well how to deal with abuse, how to treat persons involved in an abuse situation–the victims, and, knowing your line of work, the perpetrators as well. Am I understanding correctly?
I appreciate your sentence about forgiving, cheering up, saving face. I think this need to present a polished exterior is ingrained in our human psyche, yet it is completely opposite to the way Jesus chose to bear our sins–publicly, nakedly, totally in the raw. I take from that not an idea that we should TRY to parade our pain and sin and shame before an audience, but an idea that pain and sin and shame need an honest reckoning–deeds done in darkness ought to come to light, and a church full of people is a church where sins take place (thank you, human nature), and hiding that fact creates the worst kind of “testimony” there is. Covered up sin breeds covered up sin, like mold in a dark, dank place. Sin brought to light can’t live. We don’t have to be afraid of the powerful grace and redemption of Jesus, a Savior capable of handling all the ways in which our humanity lets us down. We don’t have to let the enemy lie to us, deceiving us into hiding that which we perceive to be shame. This only keeps us in a prison, when in fact we have been called to liberty.
I agree, with a quarter of the population (roughly) living as abuse survivors, it’s time to realize that when victims are marginalized, we are essentially telling them our church, no, the gospel, no, worse–Jesus himself–has no place for them. It’s a rough thing to wrestle with the fact that forgiveness is not a quick solution, that it may not even be the end goal. Recovery, healing, wholeness are goals, and forgiveness plays part in all that. But to move a victim toward forgiveness and then call the matter fixed is devastating. At least, that’s my opinion. 🙂
In regards to my statement about us being an “accepting generation,” I am speaking of outside the church. It is “cool” in popular American culture to be accepting of whatever/whoever you are. The American culture is continually opening their arms wider and wider to anyone who want to speak out on being different. Where being a homosexual was once shunned, popular culture now embraces people who “come out” as brave and strong. It makes me sad that popular culture expresses welcoming arms while the church sits by and protests. It is no wonder to me that so many people feel locked out from the church, from Jesus.
I think what I was getting at was the idea that christian social constructs pave the way for us to elevate the strong, the brave, the overcomers. We love stories of redemption and grace and mercy. We say we care about the victims … but when the Duggar story hit social media, the trending Christian response was all but defending Josh. I believe your first blog Harmony, about the situation was in response to the fact that as Christians, we ought to be defending the victims. Why, in a world where popular American culture supports people who “come out,” does the Christian community hide and cover up?